Splitopia

splitopia+cover.jpg — **SPLITOPIA**

When my husband and I announced our intention to split in 2012, I was surprised by the doom-and-gloom forecasts of some friends. We believed we could part amicably, and be good co-parents, but our friends were unconvinced. Why? Why were they so negative about the possibility of a "good" divorce? I set out to discover the truth. The results of my research and of my own experience are in ***Splitopia***.
***Splitopia*** shares my story as well as insights from family law reform and positive psychology experts and former couples and adult children of divorce living successful, happy lives.
Part memoir, part journalism, part history of marriage, ***Splitopia*** looks at how changes in laws and customs over the past 40 years have greatly improved divorce for many, as have women’s increased earning power, advances in psychology and technology, and a greater understanding of child development and the importance of fathers. It challenges the assumption that all happy families must look alike.
***Splitopia*** was translated into Hungarian and has been written about or excerpted in *The New York Times*, *Washington Post*, *The Globe and Mail*, *Marie Claire*, *Houston Chronicle*, *Salon.com*, *Kveller.com*, *PsychCentral.com* and *Family Law Quarterly*, and featured on podcasts, television and radio shows nationwide.

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“The essential resource for anyone who wants a “good” divorce. Packed with research, insights, and illuminating (and often funny) examples from Wendy Paris’ own divorce experience, this book is a practical and reassuring guide to parting well. Divorce isn’t a happy experience, but for many people, it can lead to a happier life."

— Gretchen Rubin, author of the New York Times bestsellers Better Than Before, Happier at Home and The Happiness Project

“In Splitopia, Wendy Paris has set out not only to write the essential and supremely practical guide to the good divorce, but to change how we think and talk about the way we dissolve what were once expected to be indissoluble unions. Rather than lasting until death, Paris asks, why not see marriages as successful for lasting as long as they last? Filled with history, research on everything from child development and mediation to loneliness and resilience, and a wide array of engaging stories that themselves serve as a reminder of just how common divorce, and often the bad divorce, is, Splitopia makes a compelling case that it’s high time for a new definition of Happily Ever After—for everyone.”

— Brigid Schulte, author of the New York Times bestseller, Overwhelmed: Work, Love & Play When No One has the Time. Director The Good Life Initiative at New America foundation

“Splitopia is an important book. Divorce is hard, but there are approaches that minimizes the pain and set people on a path to healing. When kids are in the mix, this work is crucial. A lack of relationship or a negative relationship undermines our capacity to care for our children and our country. Great solutions come when you have the benefit of the best thinking in the room, in divorce and in politics. In an adversarial context, that kind of creativity and benefit just can’t happen. With parents, we want what’s best for out kids. With our country, we want what’s best for our country. When we get caught in an adversarial dynamic, we lose sight of our bigger shared goals. We need to be able to focus on our shared aspirations. Splitopia suggests a path for how to do this.”

— Joan Blades, co-founder of MoveOn.org, Momsrising.org and Livingroomconversations.org. Co-author of The Custom-Fit Workplace: Choose When, Where and How to Work and Boost the Bottom Line and The Motherhood Manifesto

“Splitopia is a wonderful blend of storytelling and social science—a book that amuses and captivates while dispensing shrewd advice based on solid psychological research. It's a practical guide that also lifts the spirit. Breaking up is hard to do, but reading Wendy Paris is a pleasure.”

— John Tierney, co-author of the New York Times bestseller Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

“Finally, a book that shows there really can be a good divorce (even after the marriage has turned bad). Splitopia is a great resource and an engaging, moving read by a wonderfully subtle, skilled writer. Drawing on the author's own experiences, changes in divorce law and practice, and hundreds of studies, it has useful advice, helpful hints—and much humor.”

—Naomi Cahn, Harold H. Greene Chair, George Washington University Law School. Coauthor of Marriage Markets and Finding Our Families

“Combining insights, stories and research, Wendy Paris has created a smart and interesting guide that can be extremely helpful for those going through divorce.”

—Tal Ben-Shahar, positive psychology lecturer and author of Happier

“A good divorce is possible. Wendy Paris makes that case and explains how. Through Splitopia’s compelling stories and deep research, we gain insight into marriage, separation, and life well-lived.”

— Shane J. Lopez, author of Making Hope Happen. Senior Scientist and Research Director of the Clifton Strengths Institute

“A smart, thoughtful and well-written antidote to the popular idea that divorce is a toxic event for parents and children. Think of it instead as a family reorganization—a period not just of crisis but also of opportunity for growth and development. Ms. Paris shows that a carefully planned and thoughtfully executed divorce can result in a better quality of life for parents and children. She is particularly astute in recommending that couples consider innovative options for the legal aspects of their divorce such as mediation, unbundled legal services and collaborative law. They help couples avoid protracted courtroom combat that can become all consuming for them and their children, make wise choices for the future and get on with their lives productively.”

— Andrew Schepard, Max Schmaltz Distinguished Professor of Law at Hofstra University. Director Emeritus of the Center for Children, Families and the Law. Editor of Family Court Review